connection

Consolation for a Broken Family

"I had to kiss them goodbye. I had never been away from them more than two nights. And now I would have to leave them for five days. Not once, but over and over again.

‘Mommy, I want to stay with you!” 

My 3-year old daughter was wrapping her arms around my neck. My 6-year old daughter already took her father’s hand, ready to walk away, like she was heading towards a new adventure. She didn’t know what was waiting for her. A broken family. Swapping homes for the rest of her childhood. Missing mom, or missing dad.  

There’s a time for letting go. You can’t hold on to your children forever. Having to let them go at 3 and 6 years old is just cruel. 

As I was dying inside, I looked up towards the stars, as if they could give me the power to survive this agonizing moment. My eyes rested on the Full Moon. 

I took a deep breath, and as I went down on my knees and whispered to my sweet little loves with as much courage as I could gather: 

“Do you see Her, the Moon? Did you know She’s always there, always have been, and always will be? Remember that when you miss me, you can always search for the Moon. Wherever you are, and wherever I am, I promise you that when you look for the Moon, I will be looking for Her too. When you see Her, you will know that we will always be together.”

My sweet baby girl smiled, I snuggled her one last time before handing her over to her loving daddy. My oldest daughter threw me a hand kiss and swirled away into her new future.

I watched them as they drove off. I don’t remember how long they were gone before I could breathe again. Then, I looked up at the Moon, and I could feel Her cool white light on my wet cheeks. That moment, it was me who needed to remember Her presence most."


This is my contribution to the May Magick project, hosted by Alauna Whelan, published May 29th 2018, titled 'The Moon'. It was written straight from my heart and a true story.

New Moon in Aquarius - 15th February 2018

Did you notice that February has no Full Moon this year? Due to the double Full Moons (a.k.a. Blue Moons) in January and March, February is left without any... When a month goes by without a Full Moon, the New Moon is called Black Moon. 

This might sound dark and gloomy but it isn't! It's creating opportunities for powerful new beginnings instead.

This month, the Black Moon will fall on February 15th, 10:05 pm CEST, and it will coincide with a partial Solar Eclipse, which is, astronomically, nothing more than a New Moon with the Moon aligned partly in front of the Sun. 

Energy-wise, it intensifies the dark aspect of the New Moon and it marks the start of two new cycles at the same time: the Moon cycle for the following 4 weeks, and the Eclipse cycle for the coming 6 months. 

This New Moon is taking place in Aquarius, an air sign (not a water sign as the name suggests). Aquarius is about thinking energy, communication, new ideas, and technology. Aquarius also is the odd one out, the dreamer, the visionary. When the Moon is in this sign, our emotions and inner worlds are closely connected to the Aquarian themes. 

Due to the air energy (mind), we may feel disconnected to our own inner emotional worlds. This can translate as feeling detached, flat, unaffected, unmotivated and without passion even. 

You can use this detachment to your benefit when you have experienced difficulties with letting go of certain things. Feeling detached will help you to see where you are holding on to the things that aren't serving you anymore and to shift into a new way of being. 

You will be able to truly reinvent yourself with the help of Aquarius!

However, when detachment happens in relationships, it can be difficult to stay connected to the other person. It's more difficult to understand each other when we are less able to connect to someone else's feelings. This may cause conflict, but when we are aware of it, we can choose differently. Putting away your phone and other distracting screens can help tremendously with keeping in touch with your partner, children or other family members. Create space for conscious connection and schedule some time to talk about themes and ideas that are important to you. Communicate in an open and truthful way. Although the connection might be on an intellectual level only, this is perfectly fine. Perhaps this is the way to create interesting new plans and launch projects together! Socializing with larger groups is also a great way of feeling connected. 

Aquarius is the sign of revolutionary ideas and progression. Be prepared for a flash of lightning, an 'AHA'-moment, or an epiphany. This could be the sign you have been waiting for, the message that never seemed to arrive. Journal about your ideas, because there are some gems of insight coming your way, some of them might be pivotal in making changes to your life. The theme here will most likely be around how you can serve the collective as an individual. 

You may want to keep your discoveries to yourself for a bit, to avoid judgment and criticism from people about your 'strange' or 'odd' ideas. It takes a few more days to shift the energy away from Aquarius into Pisces, helping others to relate more to your dreams and visions.

Find your tribe of like-minded people or create your own. It's easy to feel isolated and alone in this world, with its never-ending turmoil and relentless conflict. But there are many people who are just like you, and they are showing up with many now. Be open, and you will find them. 

Full Moon in Gemini - 3rd December 2017

The Full Moon in Gemini will be this Sunday, December 3rd, 2017.

We have arrived at the time of year where gatherings and celebrations are on the weekly calendar. Holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and in The Netherlands (where I live) we celebrate Sinterklaas, traditionally a children's feast. It is comparable to Christmas Day and Santa Claus, but it is celebrated a little earlier, December 5th, which is the birthday of the bishop of Mira (Saint Nicolas, now called Sinterklaas). To celebrate his birthday, Sinterklaas treats everyone with lots of presents. It's so lovely to see how excited the children are when they are told to put their shoe at the front door or next to the fireplace, filled with a carrot for Sinterklaas' horse and a clementine or a drawing for the Saint. And, finally, on the 5th of December, we celebrate 'pakjesavond', meaning 'gifts evening' and a big jute bag filled with presents is secretly left at the door....

It's a wonderful tradition of sharing, giving, company, warmth, love, and humour (the adults write funny, teasing poems for each other). However, it's also a celebration that asks for a change, for cultural and sustainability reasons. The change that we need in society at large, on many levels, to take away differences between people, created in the past and still making wounds and scars. To change the earth-destroying way of living of consumerism. 

It's a difficult to navigate situation and many of the conversations around it turn into polarising heated discussions, creating more division instead of less

For myself, I try to hold in mind that a lot of people are reactive, coming from fear or pain or suffering. It is important to share feelings, but it is also important to remember that healing can only come from compassion, understanding, and unity. And the truth is, there are many scars that should be recognized. Like the #metoo and #blacklivesmatter and climate change and much more.

This Full Moon in Gemini reminds us that we should think again and invites us to innovate. Old ways and traditions have to be constantly revised and adapted, like an evolutionary process. That is what makes us humans stand out, that we are able to change and adapt. It's not easy and can lead to fear and resistance, but in the end, we can't stop evolution.

Over the last few weeks, many dark and hidden secrets were revealed and uncovered by Scorpio. This Full Moon, the truth will be revealed in other ways.

Gemini (Latin for Twins) is the sign of communication and connection and shows us polarity and similarity too. During the coming Full Moon weekend, you may find yourself engaging with others much more, and you may find yourself in conversations that provide you with insightful information

Pay attention to words. Written, spoken words. An article, newsletter, television show, conversation, telephone call, text, email... You will be given information to gain clarity on your path. Look closely for messages that are meant for you.  

Gemini gives us mental stimulation and enables us to intellectually or rationally come up with solutions for the problems we are facing. However, there can be a disconnect between the heart and the mind in Gemini, and this challenges us to be more compassionate and empathetic towards others in problem-solving. 

This Full Moon will give you mental clarity, but don't forget to check in on your heart space as well.